Ryt laidz neet in

 To celebrate two of my colleagues securing proper jobs within ANDY's comic-relief funded new sports and access to work programme, I invited the two of them and the other male in the Kibera field office, Maxwell, round to ours for a few bia baridi and a simple dinner.

A Yorkshire calendar kickstarts any party

I had to leave it at the men in the Kibera office because I was unsure how the first invitation round to my house coming on the day Joanne went away for a couple of days would have been perceived by Kenyan ladies. Besides, the flat is great but the four of us filled all the available seating.

Anyway, those lucky enough to make it onto the exclusive VIP guest list were treated to avocado and tomato salads - one with pastrami and the other with ham - the obligatory bowl of crisps and some cold-ish beer. Cold-ish because our fridge packed in again, having just secured its second full week of functionality since it was purchased in early January.The soundtrack alternated between traditional music from western Kenya and a whistlestop tour of my music collection, and a merry time was had by all. it was of course a valuable cultural experience. This is what I learned:

1. It doesn't matter how skint your guests are, how much you've bought or how much cheaper it is than Tusker - they'll still make fun of you for serving them Allsops lager.
2. Any food served which is not ugali with beef will be referred to as 'English food'.
3. Even taking into account the cultural differences and the playboy reputation of the tribes these three belong to, one of our guests still managed to amaze me with some rather odd views about women.
4. Raphael's football loyalty is not, as I had hoped, on a journey down the M62.

Geoffrey enjoys yet another hilarious quip from his host

5. The 7/11 on Jamhuri High Street is in fact open until 11, and sells Tusker, but the female proprietor does not appreciate jokes about confusing her husband and the other man who works in the shop.
6. Hangovers are still nowhere near as bad here - I think its the additional sweating.
7. Despite all speaking fluent English, they were unable to pick out more than one word in 20 sung by Dave from the Zutons.
8. These three would have loved the regular floor-fillers at Leeds' mid-late 90s mod/indie superclub, Brighton Beach. 

Allsops - Kenya's Carling, apparently